


Your Kink Is Okay!

by Gunderpants



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Humour, Multi, PWP, Sad pathetic people being sad pathetic people, Swearing, Threesome - F/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-05
Updated: 2014-10-05
Packaged: 2018-02-19 23:08:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2406251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gunderpants/pseuds/Gunderpants
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Remus Lupin has extraordinary difficulty in being assertive and commanding. Sirius Black has enormous difficulty in not living vicariously through other people's sex lives. And Nymphadora Tonks is really getting over people being indecisive and self-conscious.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written for Wizard_Love in 2007 as a gift fic. Split into three parts for length and unwieldy-ness. Some minor details altered for canon compliance.

***

When Nymphadora Tonks sheared six inches off her old school skirt and knotted her Hufflepuff tie into a perfect half-windsor, she didn't expect that her boyfriend would stand about like a stunned mullet and make half-arsed excuses about "putting the kettle on" and "the weather being a bit nippy". For someone who thought she looked utterly stupid every time she tried to look sexy, even this time she thought she looked all right, perched on the corner of Remus' desk and looking tarted up as hell.

"You said you had a thing for the whole schoolgirl schtick," she said, toying with the end of a pigtail and wishing that the lacy undies that had looked so alluring on the model didn't ride up her arse so much. "You even said that you had dirty dreams about it."

"Er, well," procrastinated Remus, his face flushed a deep-red and sweat staining the collar of his robes, "I did, but then in my dream I got arrested and lost my teacher's license and became even more destitute than I was before."

"You really know how to suck the fun out of things," Tonks said, throwing caution to the wind and indelicately pulling her knickers out of the current uncomfortable position they were in. "Even your sex dreams are really boring."

"I'm sorry," he said finally, stroking her cheek and looking extremely apologetic, "but I really can't get over the guilt thing."

"Isn't the guilt the whole point about 'guilty pleasures'?" She took his hand, and pulled him closer into her. "You aren't uncomfortable about... you know, us, or anything?"

For a second, Remus looked a little confused, and then finally he sighed, and kissed her on the top of her head. "I'm sorry. I just... I just get the feeling that I get judged more critically for everything I do because--"

"Neither of us are married or attached, I'm well past my school years, and you're hardly trapping me into this against my will."

"Yes, but I still look like the skeezy old man who exposes himself to passing women just by going out with you."

She wrapped her legs around him, and pressed a kiss into his neck, shivering as his fingers came up to the buttons of her shirt and deftly unfastened them, one by one. "Maybe that's a guilty thing of mine. Among many, of course."

"Ageist," he mumbled as he pressed his lips against hers.

She felt his fingers against her bare waist, and she pulled him even closer into her, biting his shoulder gently as she felt the zipper of her skirt being undone ever-so slowly. She lifted her hips and let him pull the skirt off her, feeling his hands sliding down her thighs and brushing gently against her feet before he brought his hands back up to bring her face closer to his. Then there was the flutter of lips against her eyelids, and seconds later the soft, earnest brush of his dry lips against her own, and suddenly the room was fifty degrees warmer than it needed to be. "Are you more comfortable now that I'm out of the uniform?"

"I don't feel like I'm going to get picketed by angry parents now," he whispered into her ear, his fingers fumbling behind her back for the hooks of her bra. "Still feel like a dirty old man, though." He broke away for a second, and looked her up and down. "Er... those undies look incredibly uncomfortable."

"It's like wearing tight-fitting flyscreen down there," she admitted, sadly annoyed to have the mood broken slightly.

He kissed her lightly, and hooked his fingers into the waistband of her knickers. "Here," he said, and she raised her hips again and felt the scrape of the material over super-sensitive skin. Then she felt his hand traversing the inside of her thigh, and her legs gently being prised apart. "I don't see why we _need_ to be swinging from the chandeliers naked yet," he said, as he kissed the hollow of her collarbones and did something so nice with his thumbs in a circular motion that Tonks grabbed his wrists and forced him to keep them down there.

"I don't see why we can't," she whimpered.

"You won't even tell me what you want," he said, loosening the knot of his robes and letting them fall to the ground.

"I want you to be a little rougher." She ground her hips into his hand, and let her head fall back.

"I don't want to hurt you," he said, concern spreading over his face. "Unless you _enjoy_ getting hexed, in which case I worry very much about you."

She grabbed for his hands the second her head spun from the delicate pressure so much that she thought she'd lose her balance and fall off the desk. "I hate you," she said, as she felt the familiar heat and pressure building.

"Fine." He pulled away from her, and with anger she noticed the lovely circles he made with his thumbs stopping. "I suppose I'll just go find a girlfriend who doesn't hate me then. Minerva McGonagall looks like she knows how to treat a man."

Nymphadora Tonks responded to this idle threat by throwing a bottle of Indian ink at Remus' head.

***

"You know, say what you will about the man, but Severus Snape can cook."

Remus Lupin looked up at his friend, who was in the process of licking out the remnants of last night's kedgeree from an old clay pot. "I think he wanted to pick up the left-overs to take back for his dinner tonight," Remus said.

"Well, too bad for him, then."

"You know, it's people like you who ruin the fun of 'potluck dinner meetings'. You're the reason we can't have nice things, Sirius. You're going to antagonise Snape, and then Dumbledore will cancel 'potluck dinner night' for all of us, and then Hestia Jones won't cook for us anymore, and I don't want to know the person responsible for that."

"You've got your undies in a twist today," Sirius said, as he finally set the pot back down on the table and licked the remaining grease off his fingers. "Penny for those thoughts?"

"Oh, nothing."

"You've ripped that serviette to shreds," Sirius pointed out, pulling a torn paper napkin out of Remus' hands. "Come on, spill it."

Remus sighed, and rested his head in his hands. "Tonks is absolutely convinced that we need some kind of... I'm sorry, I can't do this. You want a cup of tea?"

"I'm not going to fall for your transparent attempts at avoiding the subject. What's going on?"

"She has this thing about... I don't know, she wants everything to be rough, and different, and what ever happened to keeping your socks on and doing it missionary?" Remus finished his sentence off in a hurried whisper, his face growing redder with every word.

Sirius stared at Remus for a few moments before he started rubbing his temples and looking pained. "Thank you for the over-share. I hope that I can repay the favour one day."

"I'm sorry, but it's really quite awkward," Remus continued, looking over his shoulder to ensure that they had the kitchen to themselves. "She asked me if I had anything I wanted to try with her... you know, and of course I was so grateful to actually have a living girlfriend who won't run away screaming from me that I didn't really have anything to suggest!"

"Did you say anything?"

"Well, I don't know, I said the first thing that came to mind only because it was so obvious and banal that I was embarrassed just for lying about it. I didn't think she'd actually take it seriously, but... er, well, she did. And I know she did it to make me happy, but still... it was a little bit weird. Did you know she was in Hufflepuff?"

"I figured as much." Sirius scratched his chin, and looked concerned. "You do realise that this all might become a problem further down the track? Soon enough she's going to find a man who _will_ vomit on her while she's lying on a pile of stolen baby fur seals--"

"Good god, man, she wants something a little kinky, not nauseating."

"All I'm saying is that she might leave you for someone who's less shy than you."

"I certainly hope not. I mean, she wouldn't cheat on me or anything, she's not that kind... not that it would make her a bad person, or anything, but it..." Remus trailed off, and a look of horrified realisation cast itself upon his face. "Oh, no." He buried his head in his arms, and started moaning dismally.

"What's wrong?"

"No, no--"

"I'll slip veritaserum into your firewhiskey if you don't speak up."

Remus looked up, looking at least twenty years older than he normally did. "I really am a dirty old man. Kill me. Kill me with fire."

 _"What_?!"

 

"I... er... kindaliketheideaofTonkscheatingonme," Remus mumbled, burying his head into his arms. "Oh, God, does that make me a sociopath?"

Sirius stared at his friend for a good few minutes before he could come up with the lame response he gave: "er, yeah, I'm pretty sure that it does."

"What is wrong with me?"

Sirius chewed back plenty of helpful suggestions (like "cuckolded jackass" and "perverted buffoon", for instance) and merely said, "have you brought this up with her?"

"Hey Sirius, you know what your mum used to do to the house-elves? I'm pretty sure Tonks would do that to me."

"Look, I don't know! This is your own stupid problem. Look... why don't you bring it up as a hypothetical, or something?"

"No!"

"Well, fine. She's not going to flip out entirely and stab you in your sleep, or anything."

"She might. She is related to your family, after all."

"Well, that was a given." Sirius leaned forward. "Why can't you tell her? It's not like by just saying it she's contractually obliged to fulfil said fantasy."

Remus sighed, and rested his head in his hands again. "Because I actually like her, and I don't want her to lose any respect for me. It's just annoying, because... well, I'm not really all that used to people liking me at all, and I'm worried that she'll feel threatened, or angry, or--"

"Talking to her isn't going to set her off, mate. Just tell her how you feel, and that if she doesn't like it she can just say so and you won't put pressure on her, or anything."

"I don't know. I'll see."

"You know, you're going to have to be far more open with her if you want her to keep liking you. If I know that girl, I know that she values openness and honesty."

"You know, maybe that's why I couldn't really bothered finding anyone all those years," Remus said.

"That has to be the saddest thing I've ever heard," said Sirius. "Just... talk to her more. Tell her what you like, what you don't like... you could try dirty-talking."

Remus looked at Sirius as if this was the stupidest suggestion that had ever been made. "I'll sound like a complete dickhead.

"Come on, be a little bit romantic. Light a few candles, take it slowly, I don't give a crap, I've been single since I was twenty-one and frankly I'm too bitter to care about your ineptitude."

"You won't tell anyone what I just told you, will you?" Remus said, standing up and picking up his destroyed serviette.

" _Course_ I won't. What kind of back-stabbing bastard do you think I am?"

Remus didn't answer this question as he left the kitchen.

***

Nymphadora thought that her boyfriend would have had the common sense to not bring highly-flammable items into their lovemaking, but apparently this was not the case.

"You know that I don't have the best co-ordination," she said, pursing her lips in concern as Remus lit yet another candle. "One acrobatic position and I could just burn down the house."

"Frankly, I can see an upside to that," Remus said, laying his wand flat on the bedside table. "Come on. I'm sorry about being weird the other night."

"You're always weird," she said softly, sitting on the bed beside him. "But that's why I like you. I'm sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable."

"No, no," he said, a little defensively. "Er... it's just that... well, I never really had that schoolgirl thing in the first place, and... well, you could see where your mum charmed your name-label on your skirt, and that really killed the mood."

"You know, some people find that very sexy," she joked. Remus seemed to be a little worried, and she kissed him on the cheek. "I just want to make you happy, is all."

"Are you happy with me?"

She said nothing, but she brushed her lips to his and slowly climbed over to straddle him, stroking her hands though his hair and gently slipping her tongue into his mouth. She felt his arms sliding around her waist, and then he was kissing her back, softly and tentatively. "You could be a little bit more assertive and talkative. I'm not going to get turned off by you," she whispered, finally breaking off their kiss.

"I'm sorry."

She silenced him again with another kiss. "I don't want to hear another word out of you tonight unless it's telling me what you're going to do to me." She pushed him down into the bed, and ground her hips against his as her fingers fumbled with the fastens on his shirt and robes.

"I want to hear what you want," he whispered, his hands stroking her lower back. "Talk to me."

"Be a little bit rough." She ground her hips into him again, and breathed hotly into his ear. "Punish me. For something, anything, I don't know."

"Is that what you want?"

Fingers were pulling at her knickers, and she felt them sliding down her legs, and then the the loveliness of his fingers teasing and rubbing her. "Mm hmm."

"You want me to be rough? You want me to punish you?"

Her breath became more feverish as she felt his fingers slip into her, and she pressed her chest against his as she nodded while kissing him, her forehead gently bumping against his. "Uh huh."

"You... er, want a sound spanking?"

She broke off the kiss, and looked quizzically at him. "Sorry, _what_?"

"Have... er, you been a bad girl?"

Tonks made a sound that was the bastard hybrid offspring of a "snort" and a "ha!", and rolled off Remus as she collapsed into paroxysms of laughter. "Oh, Remus, I am so sorry," she said, feeling thoroughly horrible that she was unable to control herself, "but that was _so_ unsexy--"

"I'm so sorry," he said, his face frozen in horror as she rolled onto her back, clutching her sides. "That was really... um, please, I'll pay you to never bring this up again, or let anyone know I said that, I never should have--"

"I'm so sorry," Tonks said, finally controlling herself. "I didn't mean to hurt your feelings--"

"No, no, it's my fault, please." Remus sat up on the bed, his face flushed more from embarrassment than his fleeting moments of arousal. "I'm so sorry."

Guilt clutched at Tonks, and she leaned over to kiss him on the cheek. "Stop apologising!"

"What's wrong with us?"

She pulled away from him, a frown playing at the corners of her eyebrows. "What do you... what do you mean?"

Remus sighed, and leaned back into the pillows. "It's just... It's like I can't say anything around you. I just feel stupid and sleazy and--"

"You're not," she said, her voice cracking. "No, don't think that about yourself."

"What do you see in me? Even if I weren't a werewolf, there wouldn't be be anything to like about me."

"You have lovely penmanship," she said, kissing his hand and stroking a stray strand of hair behind his ear. "And you're very dear to me."

"You know, I'd understand if you ever wanted to be with someone else," Remus said, taking her hands in his, and she felt her stomach shrink into a knot. "If I don't make you happy, then... I don't want you to be unhappy with me."

"But I am happy," she pleaded. "I just want you to feel like you can tell me what you want."

"I mean, I wouldn't blame you if you were to cheat on me."

She looked at him, anger welling within her. "What are you getting at?"

"I just... I mean, I'm not good enough for you--"

"Oh, _come on._ " She reached about for her knickers and pulled them on, scanning the floor in the dim candlelight for her robes. "If you're going to make a martyr of yourself, then you can do it on your own." She blindly groped for her wand on the bedside table, and summoned her clothes.

It was most unfortunate, then, that Tonks' earlier premonitions about setting fire to the room would come true, as her robes knocked over a candle ill-placed on the ground, and into the canopy of Remus' bed.

"Shit!" Tonks dropped her robes onto the floor of the canopy, trying in earnest to smother the flames. "What are these bloody things made out of?"

Remus scrabbled about on the bed, and finally leant over the side. " _Aguamenti!_ " The water immediately doused the fire, and soon the room was filled with acrid smoke that burned Tonks' nostrils and throat.

"I'm sorry," Remus said, fanning the smoke with his hands and robes. "You were right, the candles were a crappy idea."

"Yeah, a bit," Tonks said, well aware that this wasn't the only fire extinguished that night.

***

"Who do I need to bribe so I can get laid once in awhile," Tonks mused aloud as she perused the cupboards. Staying in the kitchen seemed to be an excellent way of avoiding Remus, given that he seemed to be just as keen to avoid her. She swore silently as she banged a cupboard door into her shins, and she decided that from that point onward, she was forsaking all men and badly-designed kitchens. "And who keeps eating the bloody leftovers!"

"I wouldn't have a clue about that," said Sirius, stealthily slipping a plate beneath the table. "Must be Remus."

"Don't talk to me about him," she said, finally settling on a pot of congealed stew. She wrinkled her nose, and summoned a spoon. "I have to be the most undersexed, underfed member of the Order."

"Yeah, really, I'm lighting a candle for you there. You and Remus have to be the worst couple in the world."

She looked up at him, a disgusted look on her face (though this likely could have been from the stew). "Do you set up camp outside his room, or something?"

"I'm just saying that your communication's utterly crap. You talk too much, and he won't say enough. You going to finish that?"

She shook her head, and pushed the plate across the table. "I'd hate you less if you weren't so astute."

"I'm not saying that it's going to doom you, but you're not going to last if you don't give him a bit of a break." Sirius dipped Tonks' spoon into the stew. "Think of him as... wow, this really is disgusting. Right. Think of him as a deer."

"Thanks for the over-share, Sirius."

"No! I mean, think of him as being timid and frightened and really repressed, and with messed-up sexual morals and ideals--"

"What _kind_ of fucked-up deer have you dealt with?"

"Are you making the analogy, or am I?"

"What are you even _comparing_?!"

"Oh, forget it," Sirius said, shoving the plate of stew half-way across the table. "Break up with him, and spend the rest of the meetings with the Order in awkwardness and embarrassment. I won't laugh at you. Often."

"Then what _do_ you suggest I do?"

"I don't bloody know! What is it that you want from him?"

She sighed, instantly craving a cup of tea, a cry and a warm bath. "I don't know. Someone who's a little more assertive and confident; someone who would take charge, and who wouldn't be afraid to cross the line occasionally and be a bit rough."

"You really picked a winner with Remus, then."

"I do like him, I do. I mean... it's nice to have someone who's got a little bit of life experience, and he's genuinely sweet to me, but... I don't know. I get the impression that he doesn't want me as much as I want him." She closed her eyes, blinking away at tears. "I really thought he was my type. He was the first person who was decent to me, and didn't disrespect me or speak down to me. He just--"

"Do you want a drink?"

She nodded, and Sirius summoned a half-empty bottle of Firewhiskey and two glasses. "This'll warm you up a bit. Look, your problem with Remus is that he doesn't understand that when you ask for these things, it doesn't mean you want him to be disrespectful or aggressive outside the bedroom. And while he's so hypercritical of himself and repressed, he's not going to allow himself to relax _anywhere_." Sirius leaned in closer, filling Tonks' glass and handing it to her. "It's definitely not personal. He likes you as much as he can like any person - likely more."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. So, you can give him time to think about what you want, or you can let sleeping dogs lie, or you can break it off with him. Personally, I reckon you could even probably convince him, if you gave him a bit of time or the impetus."

***

It'd been fifteen years since Sirius Black had had to carry Nymphadora up to her bed, and the combination of his atrophied muscles and the fact that she weighed a good hundred pounds more than she did the last time he picked her up killed his back and shoulders as he brought her upstairs and into Remus' bedroom. The smell of sweat and alcohol stuck to her skin from the day, and he'd had to brush aside stray locks of her hair from his mouth as she moaned unconsciously into the crook of his collarbones.

Remus was dead to the world when Sirius lay her down beside him, and Sirius knew that there was little, short of complete Armageddon, that could wake him.

He saw her eyes open, and a hand moving feebly over to settle over Remus' chest, and in an instant thirteen years of solitude acutely reminded Sirius of the fact that vicariously living through these people - fallible, headstrong, frail people - was never actually going to give him anything but a funny, sick little feeling that this was something that he should have, but he never would get.

Sirius lay down on the tiny patch of bed beside Nymphadora, and tried to sleep without falling off the side of the bed.


	2. Chapter 2

***

"Dora."

She closed her eyes, and bit her lip so hard that she could taste blood in her mouth. "I understand," she said quietly. "I'm sorry."

"No, look, I'm sorry." Remus reached over to take her hand, but she pulled it away and shoved her hands into the pockets of her robes. "I don't think I'm the right person for you. I think you need someone who's... someone who'll speak up and be a little more direct and assertive."

"Oh, whatever," she said, sniffing heavily. "You're being perfectly assertive here, when you want to be."

She saw him hesitate for a second, chewing over words in his head. "I just worry that I'm not going to make you happy. I just--"

"Want to discover yourself, want to get in touch with who you really are, recentre your zen, get in touch with your inner-child, need time to think things over--"

"What are you talking about?"

"Pick a cliche, any cliche. Which one were you going to use?"

Remus looked taken aback. "Er... I don't know, 'need time to think things over' was what I was going to go with."

"Do what you need to do, all right?"

"I'm sorry." Remus said. "Maybe when I get back, I might know how I feel."

"Yeah, well, I won't hold my breath," she said, running her hands through her hair. "Just don't lead me on, all right?"

Remus nodded, and turned on his heels. "I'll send you an owl," he said over his shoulder as he made towards the front door of the House of Black.

"Dickhead," Tonks muttered to herself, as he was nearly out the door.

"What was that?"

"Er... I said, have a lovely trip."

***

"Still can't sleep, little lady?"

It was a bleary-eyed mess that looked up at Sirius from the sofas with rents in the velvet. Her back ached, and her eyes were sore and dry, but there was nothing that could bring her to sleep either in her own bed, or in his. "Hypocrite." She pulled her legs up to her chest to make space beside her, and his weight sinking into the cushions pulled him closer to her. "You've been avoiding me."

"What, me? No, of course not, I... all right, yes, I have been. I just thought you would have wanted a bit of privacy these past few days." His tone of voice changed, and he sighed. "Sorry."

"It's not your fault," she said, leaning her head back on the arm of the chair. "It would have been nice to have someone to talk to about it, but I'm holding up better than I thought I would."

"Yeah, well, he's being incredibly unfair on you. I hope you've got a fabulous revenge scheme planned."

"Not particularly resourceful, but effective enough. The old Black standard."

"You've eaten all his food, haven't you?"

"Got terrible stomach pains," she admitted, "but definitely worth it."

"Good for you. I'd have done it myself. I mean, it's not like what he had to do was all that hard. He might be the most stereotypical English gentleman of all time, but that shouldn't preclude him from being at least a little bit honest and romantic with you."

"Did he tell you anything about it?"

"He asked me for advice before he broke up with you. He really seemed to like you."

Tonks sat up, and peered intently at Sirius. "Did he?"

"Maybe I was right about you being a bit too forward. You know, he'll probably come to his senses while he's away on mission, and he'll come back to you on bent knees begging for forgiveness."

"Yeah, well, I'm not going to cross my fingers about that one," Tonks said. She closed her eyes, and rested her head on Sirius' shoulder, feeling heat through the layers of clothing. "Mostly it's just the pride of it all. Like I never got to determine anything about that relationship - how it was carried out, how it ended. Everything had to be so discreet, so well-mannered. You know," she said, opening her eyes and looking to Sirius, "the first time I made him come he actually apologised for it?"

Sirius snorted. "God, that's sad."

"He really doesn't think that highly of himself, does he."

Sirius shook his head, and kissed Tonks on the forehead, and it was the loveliest, softest kiss she'd ever received. "And nothing you do or say to him will ever change that. You could plead for a year solid that you loved him as he was, and he'd still sleep with one eye open in case you tried to hex him in his sleep. And until that changes, he's not going to let his guard down to do anything that might have the potential for you to think less of him."

"Sirius," she said, "did Remus ever... you know, did you two ever talk about... I don't know how I'm going to get about saying this..."

"Come on, spit it out."

"Did he ever tell you what he liked?"

She felt every muscle in his body tense rigid, and he pulled himself up out of the chair and started making for the door. "Er, you want me to put the kettle on?"

"What do you mean?" 

Sirius disappeared around the corner, and she hauled herself out of the couch and down the corridor after him. "Sirius? Sirius!"

"Now, I remember you take it black with one," Sirius said, as he pulled old cups out of the cupboard in the kitchen. "You haven't changed that, have you?"

"Why did you jump at that question?"

He turned to her, and Tonks saw the lines creased deep into his face and realised that both men had aged so much in so few years. "Nymphadora..." He poured hot water into the cups, and carried them to the kitchen table carefully. "I don't really feel all that comfortable going into greater detail with you about these things. Especially given the nature of what he said."

"I want to know," she said, softly and intently. "He knew everything about me; I don't think I'll ever know what he's really like."

Sirius sipped his tea gingerly, and closed his eyes. "I don't personally feel comfortable saying anything. It's... complicated, and it may make matters even worse."

"Well, what can he do," she laughed, "ask me out just to dump me a second time?"

"Don't press the issue, Tonks."

Her tea was cold and far more bitter than she normally preferred to drink it, but Tonks took a long sip and lingered before she swallowed it down. "Is there any way I can make him happy?"

"What about making yourself happy?"

"I have what I need, I suppose," she said, wistfully. "I mean, it's not like I need a certain type of man, or that I need sex a certain way."

"That could be debatable," Sirius said.

"What about you," she said, pushing her teacup to the far side of the table. "Are you happy?"

"Well... " Sirius stretched back, and cracked his knuckles over his head, "I'm getting my romance by living vicariously through one of England's most ineffective couples, I may never leave this house ever again, and all I get to put up with all day is Severus' pettiness and you two fussing over stupid fetishes that aren't going to kill either of you."

"You should have someone, Sirius," she said sleepily. "You should have a pretty girl to go to bed with."

"I don't see that happening again," he laughed. "Not unless you'd like to join me tonight."

"I kick in my sleep," she said, feeling the colour rise in her cheeks a little and a funny little tingle settling in her stomach. It felt a little wrong to be speaking like this to Sirius, but she knew that there was nobody awake in the house to see her misbehaving.

"You'd better watch it. I sleep naked, and I'd kindly appreciate not being castrated in my sleep."

"This is all highly inappropriate." She was blushing furiously, and her voice was cracking with nervous laughter.

"I can't help it," Sirius said. "That sexy shirt of yours is doing it to me. The tears, the old fruit stains--"

"It's one of Remus' old shirts, he wears it whenever he has to deal with messy... "

She trailed off, and pulled the shirt around her more tightly. She knew that it was also threadbare and just about see-through, and her face grew even more hot as she felt his eyes over her. "Look, I think we'd... I'd better go to bed now."

"I might head up as well," Sirius said, banishing the cups into the sink with a flick of his wand. "Big day of doing nothing tomorrow, want to make an early start on it."

She laughed, but it was more of a polite laugh than anything else. The air between them was heavy as they climbed the stairs - occasionally pressing against each other in the narrow corridors, and recoiling upon feeling the soft scratch of material upon flesh. Twice, their hands bumped against each other, and Tonks got the impression that Sirius was in no hurry to move his out of the swing of her arm. - as if he relished the human contact.

And then it was on the third step up to the second floor landing that he felt the tips of his fingers close on her palm and squeeze it gently, and she gasped softly.

"Sirius, I--"

"I'm sorry." He pulled his hand away from hers, and went ahead. "You're right, it is a bit--"

"No, wait." She climbed the stairs two-at-a-time, almost tripping on the top one as she reached the landing and stood before him. She knew that the front of her sleeping shirt was open more than decently allowable, but she bit her bottom lip and took Sirius' hand back in her own. "I like you, I really do."

It was Sirius that closed the gap between them, and when he kissed her it was with a little more teeth than she would have got from Remus. She felt disgusted with herself as she was backed into a wall, Sirius prising her legs apart with his knee, but she wouldn't have stopped for a second - not even if the house were suddenly filled with people, not even if Remus was standing beside her. And then she heard the squeak of a bedroom door opening, and Sirius was whispering "in here", and he pulled her into the bedroom.

Sirius' touch was harder and rougher than Remus', and his fingers tangled in her messy hair. She moaned softly and grappled for the buttons of Remus' shirt before Sirius' hands ripped her away from the shirt, and placed them over his groin. "Leave it on," he said.

"I don't want to get anything on Remus' shirt."

"Don't worry about it. We can wash it before he gets back."

As her eyes adjusted to the light, she quickly realised that they were in Remus' bedroom, "Sirius, maybe--"

"He broke up with you," he said, "Don't feel bad about this."

"But I just want --"

"I know how you feel about him, Tonks. If you don't want this, then I won't be offended."

"No, no." She kissed him again, and drew him slowly with her to the bed, her knees weak as she collapsed on the bed and pulled him on top of her. She felt Sirius' hands drifting softly and infuriatingly slowly across her waist, and she grabbed roughly at his fingers. "Use a little more force," she whispered breathily, grinding her hips against his groin in frustration.

"I don't want to hurt you."

"What if I actually want that?"

Sirius pulled away from her slightly, looking extremely concerned. "Is that what Remus wouldn't do?"

"Please." She pulled Sirius' head back to the crook of her neck, and the tickle of warm air on her skin caused her to shiver all over. "It would be a little insulting to my strength if you didn't."

Sirius closed his lips over hers, and his teeth bumped against hers as he thrust his tongue into her mouth. She could feel him pressed against her as he rubbed against her leg, and she parted her legs a little to feel the pressure against her naked skin. The texture of Sirius' trousers brushed against her clit, and she ground herself even harder against him until the pressure lifted, and she felt his breath heading down her body as he travelled lower and before she knew it, her legs were roughly pushed apart and Sirius' tongue was licking her.

She was barely capable of vocalising even an unintelligible groan, but incredibly she had the presence of mind to grab Sirius by the hair and press his head closer to her, and the friction of his tongue against her delicate skin tippled her over the edge and with the tiniest twinge of guilt and curling toes she came only the tiniest bit - back arched, and breath held. It was the thought of Remus that pulled her over; it was a painful kind of pleasure she got from imagining him there, watching her, breathing heavily and feeling torn.

"Oh, God--"

"You want more?"

She nodded weakly, and the loveliness of Sirius' tongue against her started again on even more sensitive lips. She felt the delicate touch of fingers tracing a teasing path up her thighs and into the slick, hot folds between her legs, and soon they were inside her - rubbing and stroking, and beckoning her hips to buck and quake with every crook of his fingers. "The door's open," she moaned, grabbing at the bedposts and lifting her hips ever so slightly. "Someone might come in--"

"Nobody's home."

"No, please--"

Sirius pulled away from her, and she moaned in frustration as his fingers vacated her, but her mouth was covered by his hand as he came up her body and pinned her down gently against the bed. "Nobody is coming in. All right?"

She nodded, and his hand left her mouth, and she could smell the faintest trace of her own wetness on his fingers as he held both hands above her head. "It's been too long," he said, as his handsome, lined face lay before hers and closed the distance by kissing her jaw and neck desperately and hotly. He released one of her hands as he lifted his hips and hastily unfastened his fly, shifting his pelvis until he was free, and when Tonks felt his bare length brush against her thigh and press against herself, the full reality of her actions hit her, and she tried to pull away, despite how much she fucking wanted it. But Sirius pressed against her, and she could feel his head softly penetrating her. "Please, I need this so much."

Her better judgement shut up as she consented, merely by shifting her hips and burying Sirius' length inside her, and he groaned loudly and clutched her tight. She stroked his hair as she wrapped her legs around his waist, encouraging him further inside her, and she felt him breathe again as he pushed inside her deeper - not caring that the whole world could see, or that he'd barely even attempted to remove his clothing. His fingers tangled in her hair, and she could feel the tiniest bit of pain as he tugged gently, and it was only at this moment that the thought of Remus, and not hurting him, became the furthest thing from her mind. It was filthy, and horrible, and thoroughly cruel - but so enjoyable, for these very reasons.

"Here," said Sirius, as he held her close to him and, with a great deal of exertion, rolled onto his back and brought her over with him. "I don't know how much longer I can hold on, I haven't--"

She pressed fingers to his lips and straightened her back, Remus' shirt barely covering any of her now as the buttons had slipped loose and beads of sweat dotted the fabric. His fingers dug roughly into her thighs as he moved his hips faster now, and as she felt him tense beneath her and clutch her skin roughly as he came, she was startled out of her skin by another pair of callused hands closing around her wrists and jerking her violently off Sirius. She gasped as she was pulled into Remus' grip; his face was bright red, and his hands were trembling, and she cowered instinctively out of fear of verbal reprisal, but instead his hands clutched at her cheeks and he pulled her close as he kissed her - almost fearfully, as if by not doing so he would lose her forever.

Confusion and shock raced through her as his hands divested her quickly of his shirt, and before she could move to defend herself he'd lifted her around the waist and pulled her close to him. He was hard already, and the tiniest shock of fright mingled with eroticism as she involuntarily pulled away from him. But he held her even closer, despite her struggles.

"I'm sorry," she whimpered, as she dug her nails into his shoulders. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I--"

He silenced her with a kiss, moaning as he rubbed against her. "Hold her hands back," he said, even more hoarsely than normal, and Tonks was confused for a minute until she felt Sirius kneeling behind her, and taking hold of her hands firmly, though not painfully. It was as if she were in a dream where the air was thick as lead, and her mind worked at half its normal speed, and she was being carried gently towards her downfall without protest or complaint.

She barely noticed Remus shucking his own clothes at an alarming speed, and her blood coursed through her veins with a thunderous roar in her ears as his tongue toyed at her ear. It all became too much to bear when she felt Sirius' fingers slipping between her legs from behind her, and she shuddered and collapsed into Remus' chest. Someone's hand - she didn't know whose, and neither did she care - toyed with her hair gently as another's fingers slipped inside her, and then someone was pressing against her - barely waiting for a mere nod or groan for assent as they came inside her.

"Oh, God," whispered Remus, and she kissed his forehead as his hands grappled with her thighs to hold her up to his height. "I can't believe you'd-- Sirius, help--"

She felt another set of hands grabbing her around the waist, and Sirius kissed her on the cheek as he came close to her. "If you want us to stop--"

"Shut up, don't stop."

"Why would you hurt me by doing this--"

"This isn't the time for this discussion," she whispered, stroking Sirius' face and clinging around Remus' neck for support. "Sirius..." She grabbed one of Sirius' hands, and pulled it around to slip between her and Remus' bodies. Thankfully for her, he caught on quickly and his fingers delved into her slick folds, and suddenly it all began to build up again - even more strongly than before, and in seconds she'd sunk her teeth into Remus' shoulder as she came noisily. She slumped weakly into the men's arms, and let her self relax into the gentle rocking of Remus' thrusting until he came minutes later - silently, but with so much force she thought that his hands would crush her bones as his fingers tightened around her wrists.

Though she felt so drained of energy and strength that she could barely lift her head, Tonks was surprised when she collapsed down on the bed when Remus released her from his grip. Her hair was matted to her forehead with sweat, and every single inch of her body was clammy and slick and hot, but she couldn't bring herself to even shift in position as Sirius and Remus lay down beside her and wrapped their arms around her - not lovingly and gently, but possessively and pointedly.

"Why did you do this?" Remus' voice was devoid of timbre as his eyes fell closed and his body fell limp. "I can't believe you'd--"

"You're a bastard," said Sirius, as his hand curled around Tonks' waist and loosely entwined itself in her fingers. "A bloody hypocrite, and a bastard."

"Oh, go die in a fire," said Remus, as he tried to catch his breath.

"No, you!"

"Shut up, the both of you," she said, sleepily, as she settled into the crook of Remus' neck and closed her eyes.

**


	3. Chapter 3

When Tonks awoke the next morning, the two spaces so warmly occupied beside her the night before were cold and empty. The house below her was silent, and the sheets beneath her were sticky and clung to her skin with sweat.

Then she heard the banging of cupboards downstairs in the kitchen, and the consequences of the night's events became all too audible.

Grappling for her wand, she pulled Remus' shirt around her shoulders as she took to the stairs with haste, shaking her head and hoping that Remus and Sirius hadn't left each other in bleeding piles of ripped tendons and broken teeth. When she reached the kitchen, it was to find Remus on his own, rifling through the china hutch with more vitriol than necessary when dealing with fine china.

A knot tied itself in her gut, and she approached him slowly with her breath caught in her throat. "Remus..."

He ignored her, and turned around with a coffee cup in his hand and a stormy expression on his face. He almost knocked her over as he passed her to sit at the kitchen table, and Tonks had to duck to miss the kettle that came screaming towards her. "Remus, please, can we--"

"There's nothing to talk about," he said, rather curtly.

The tiny thread that was stringing together Tonks' dignity and self-control snapped in half, and she raised her wand. "You bastard," she snarled, and with the flick of her wand, there came the sound of a one-hundred-and-forty-pound-man landing head first into a china hutch.

"What the bloody hell--" Remus started, struggling to extricate himself from the shards of wood and broken porcelain, but with a further wave of her wand, Tonks cried " _silencio!"_ , and the room fell silent once more.

"Don't you _dare_ ," Tonks said, standing above Remus and looking down at him. "Don't you _dare_ think you can toy with my emotions like that. You are just about the most snivelling, manipulative, spine-less--"

"That's enough of that," said Sirius, who rushed down the stairs into the kitchen. "Tonks, let him out."

"No!" She stomped her foot, well aware of how immature it made her look but well beyond the point of caring. "He is _not_ going to sleep with me and then toss me aside. He's not going to blame _me_ for having sex with someone else after he dumps me. I shouldn't have to be punished for him being terminally unable to make up his mind and act with some _consistency_ ," she cried, emphasising her last word with a well-aimed kick to Remus' prostrate buttocks.

Remus kicked out violently, and within the cabinet she could hear more china being broken. "Tonks, he's going to cut himself, or something," Sirius pleaded gently.

"Big fucking deal. He comes out when he grows a pair."

" _Finite_." Sirius aimed his wand at Remus, and instantly the kicking stopped. "She raises a fairly good point there, Moony. What do you have to say to that?"

"I was going to say," said Remus, in a pained and muffled voice, "that you can keep your nosy self out of our relationship."

"We don't even _have_ a relationship! You broke up with me!"

"Stop screaming, Nymphadora, it's most unbecoming."

"And that's your problem, Remus. If you stopped _treating me like a child_ \--" - each word highlighted with an ironically childish kick to Remus' backside - "--and actually treated me as an adult and told me what you wanted from me, then maybe I wouldn't be so annoyed with you."

"If I thought you were a child, I wouldn't have started a relationship with you in the first place."

"Then don't treat me like one." She fought back tears as her temples throbbed and the knot in her stomach tightened further, and she slowly pulled Remus out from the wreckage of the china hutch.

"Thanks," Remus said bitterly, rubbing a cut on his forehead.

"Do you want me to fix--"

"No, no, just leave it."

Tonks looked to Sirius, whose expression was unreadable. "Moony, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have stepped in like that." Sirius sighed. "I only did it because... well, I thought--"

"It's not your fault, Tonks is free to--"

"No, I mean, I knew you were going to be coming back. I thought... I thought for some reason that if you saw it--"

Tonks sat down at the kitchen table in confusion and frustration. "I want to know what's going on here," she said, warily.

"Look, Tonks... Remus has--"

"Don't. Let me." Remus pulled himself up, wincing from his bruised back. "Sirius, I would have appreciated if you didn't--"

"Oh come on, she wasn't going to mind--"

"You do this every time. You never think about the feelings of those around you, or what the repercussions of your actions might be--"

_"Silencio!"_

The men fell silent, and Tonks lowered her wand. "I swear to God, if you two don't stop speaking of me as a chattel to be passed about and tell me what the hell is going on, I will string you both up with fairy-lights and leave you in the middle of the Ministry for Magic for the other aurors to deal with." She flicked her wand, and the spell lifted off the men. "Remus, is it the case that you do actually want to be with me but are too repressed and embarrassed to act like yourself around me, or are you just being manipulative and gutless? Sirius - did you sleep with me last night just so Remus might _catch us?_ "

"Er--" Remus started.

"Um, you see--" Sirius stuttered.

"Hell with this, I need a drink," Tonks said, summoning a bottle of Fire-Whiskey that Molly Weasley had tried to hide beneath the kitchen sink. "You both have to give me your answers in ten words or less, or else I'm not listening to either of you."

"It was the former," Remus said, feebly.

"And yeah, I did," said Sirius, defiantly, "but only because Remus likes it."

"Thanks for being _the best secret keeper ever_ ," spat Remus.

Tonks turned to Remus, an incredulous look on her face. "You like it when I'm cheating on you?!"

"Maybe. A little."

She frowned, and banged her forehead on the table. "And yet you got angry at me for sleeping with Sirius? Are you a complete sociopath or something?"

"That's what I said when he told me," said Sirius.

"Shut up," said Remus.

"The way I see it, you two should be _thanking me_ ," Sirius said, folding his arms and looking satisfied. "I am a problem solver. I solve problems. Think of how much I could accomplish if you lot let me out of the house every once in a while."

Tonks ignored him, and looked up at Remus. "Why didn't you tell me that?"

Remus sat down opposite Tonks, looking deeply ashamed of himself. "Because I thought you'd think that I was a dirty old pervert. And I just..." Remus took Tonks' hand in his, his face still very red. "I like you, I really do. And... look, can Sirius leave the room for this?"

They both looked up to see Sirius standing above them, a cold left-over lambchop in his mouth and a cup of tea in his left hand. "How come I can't hear it," he said, though a mouthful of meat.

"Just... piss off, for about ten minutes."

Sirius shrugged, and sauntered out of the room with his edible loot. As the kitchen door slammed shut, Remus took Tonks' other hand in his, and the scratchy, clammy warmth of his skin felt so comforting and reassuring. "Sorry about that."

"Remus..." She raised his hand to her lips, and kissed the salty skin of his palm. "Sometimes, I like thinking of you as a dirty old pervert."

"But you know I'm not really, right?"

"Why do you worry about these things?" She kissed his hand again, and she felt the warm brush of his hand on her cheek. "You're so insecure sometimes, and to me that's more of a turn-off than you wanting to see me with other men."

"I'm not as assertive and confident as you'd like me to be," he said, softly.

"You were last night."

"It was the way you called out to me. You just... I couldn't--"

She almost crawled across the table to kiss him, her tongue darting into his mouth as her hands clasped his face close to her own. His mouth tasted like stale coffee and sleep, and his face was slick with sweat and oil, but she barely noticed as she felt the familiar breath on her upper lip and warm hands slipping around her waist.

"Just don't pull that rubbish on me again," she said, when she finally surfaced for air.

"Sorry."

"Shut up and stop apologising," she said, as he lifted her off the table and hoisted her into the air. She squealed softly as his fingers dug into her waist, and she wrapped her legs tight around him as he carried her waveringly across the kitchen towards the open door of the pantry before her back hit a shelf, and she found herself bumping into a pile of tins.

"Sorry," he said, hurriedly loosening his robes.

"I told you to stop apologising."

He kissed her again, and as his robes fell to the ground she dragged her fingernails against the bare flesh of his forearms before he took her hands forcefully in his own. "No, I mean it, I'm so sorry." He kissed her ear, and his hot breath tingled against her neck. "Please, I want you back."

"I'm pretty sure that I'm giving you my assent," she hissed, arching her back as Remus deftly unhooked the buttons of her stolen shirt. And as his mouth travelled lower down her neck and over her clavicles, her mind almost drifted away to the point where she didn't notice the pantry door opening, and Sirius standing in the entrance with a disgusted look on his face. Remus pulled away, straightening his trousers up, and she gasped and tried to cover herself up with her hands.

"I thought I heard rats in here," Sirius sneered. "Loud, clumsy, _lecherous_ rats."

"Oh, shut up, Sirius," said Tonks, grabbing him by the front of his robes and pulling him into the pantry before slamming the door shut again.


End file.
